I wanna take a quick 25 year nap. Ya know just a lil snooze to perk me up
Me: *falling asleep to an audiobook on the science of the gut*
Book: saliva is actually filtered blood!
Me: ʕʘ‿ʘʔ
Me: ʕʘ‿ʘʔ
Book: saliva also contains a painkiller that is stronger than morphine, but we don’t produce a lot of it otherwise we’d be constantly high
Me: ʕʘ Д ʘʔ
Opiorphin is 6x stronger than morphine and actually contains an anti-depressant compound which is why some doctors believe it’s linked to comfort eating
Everyone spit on me so I won’t be depressed
Literally anyone: *puts butter, garlic, and onions in a pan*
Me, busting through their wall like the kool-aid man: smells good, whatcha cooking?
lowkey can’t wait for there to be an especially dramatic episode of brooklyn nine nine where andy sambergs character gets shot and everyone dubs mmm whatcha say over the scene and we come full circle
(Source: getsawaycar)